You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
