Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
