If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i love accidental penises.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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