he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So many bounce houses so little time
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
