i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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