margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
