It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
