Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
