Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
