I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize