Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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