a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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