You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
