In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
