Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
