did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
