I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
