how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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