is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
