If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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