her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
