She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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