So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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