Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
