i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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