i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
