Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
