I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
