Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
