is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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