: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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