Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
