does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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