Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
