I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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