Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
