finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
