you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
