My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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