big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
