I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
