I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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