The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I lost the right to judge tonight
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
