Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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