we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Is Oprah even human
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
