So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
