It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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