accomplished twins. life is a go
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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