dude i'm inner monologue high
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
