I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I did not marry a roomba.
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