fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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